My wife broke the news to me. The mail just arrived. I’d received a letter. She didn’t have to say another word. It was less than 24 hours from the moment I’d turn 50. And there it was. The most solid confirmation, short of a birth or death certificate, that I was now being kicked out of the 18-49 year old audience “demo.”
The Laugh’s On Me
The only way I can properly convey this moment is to tailor an old joke for the occasion.
A man celebrating his 50th birthday is on a plane with his wife, flying over water.
The pilot announces that one of the plane’s engines has shut down and he’s making an emergency landing on an island in the middle the ocean.
He’s off the radar.
He doesn’t know the coordinates of the island.
They’re lost.
The husband turns to the wife with a mental checklist.
Husband: “Did you turn off the stove?”
Wife: “Yes. “
Husband: “Did you pay the mortgage? “
Wife: “Yes. “
Husband: Did you put on the house alarm?
Wife: “Yes. “
Husband: “Did you mail the check for my new AARP membership?”
Wife: “No. “
Husband: “THANK GOD. WE’LL BE FOUND!”
The AARP found me today. They seem to find every single one of us, just as we’re being kicked out of the 18-49 demo.
The Ladies Who Laugh
The invitation for me to join the AARP came as my wife, who is not expecting an AARP offer for some years, and our 30-something babysitter, Anna, were standing around the kitchen island chatting.
Anna chuckled at the news.
This is the same 30-something Anna who recently explained here that the reason the cold rain didn’t sting my face when I was jogging was that I hadn’t picked up enough speed on my run – so the rain wasn’t hitting me hard enough to hurt.
That same Anna was now smiling broadly at the news I’d been asked to join the AARP.
My wife asked Anna why she seemed so tickled by my AARP invitation.
“Is it because Michael receiving an AARP membership card makes you feel so young,” she asked Anna.
“Yes,” said ANNA emphatically, unable to contain her joy.
The two ladies laughed.
But Anna’s not insensitive. She relayed positively that her parents were thrilled when they got their AARP cards. Because of all the discounts.
Now my wife got really interested.
“What kind of discounts,” she asked.
Everything, said Anna. Restaurants. Hotels.
My wife’s reaction: “I don’t want to go to a hotel with an old man. “
More laughter.
And so – here I was – on the final day of my 40s …
Oh – excuse me. Anna has corrected me.
“It’s not just the final day of your 40s, Michael. It’s the final day of your first HALF CENTURY. “
Thank you, Anna. By the way, Anna is leaving Atlanta to get a master’s degree in special education.
I hope it’s special. I’ll really miss her unsolicited insights on running and aging.
My Laughing Wife
Will I accept the AARP’s offer to join?
I shouldn’t make that decision in my current state.
I want a little more time to research and reflect.
I’m going to put the application on a shelf and enjoy my birthday.
And I’m going to enjoy laughing with my wife on my birthday.
I love when my wife laughs.
I don’t mind that she got a good laugh at the thought of me, her husband, coming of AARP age.
And that was a great line she threw about the hotel.
But she should have known better than to laugh before she read.
Right there, on the front of the AARP invitation, in blue capital letters, was this offer.
FREE SPOUSE/PARTNER MEMBERSHIP
To my wife. My spouse and partner for life. Have I got a deal for you.
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About Michael Schulder: Michael Schulder is a Senior Executive Producer at CNN. He's also a man on a mission. A mission to take on the myth of the 18 - 49 "Demo" and create a New Demo for a New Age. Schulder is a frequent contributor to Anderson Cooper’s CNN site AC360.com: News and Commentary Direct from the AC360º Newsroom. |
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I can remember my dad having the same feelings when his AARP membership came in the mail…. TOO FUNNY!
Hahahahahahahaha that was funny!!!!